photo: basykes
Many people wonder where my passion for dogs and blogging come from and I haven’t given it much thought until this year. 2012 has been a great year for Keep the Tail Wagging, but I’ve never cried so much in my life until this year. There were a lot of relationship endings this year that were tough (friendships, family, our puppy, and my mom), but all the turmoil helped me understand why I have such a drive when it comes to Keep the Tail Wagging.
My Sad Story
I grew up with a mother who suffers from severe depression.
Growing up, my life had many ups and downs. I have great memories of my mom, but they’re tainted by memories of both physical and verbal abuse. I finally reached a point where it was time to forgive and move on. I had to accept the truth; my mom is unable to be happy with me, because she’s so unhappy. I finally stopped waiting for her to accept me; it’s not that she hates me; it’s that she’s so terribly unhappy.
photo: Vvillamon
Our Dogs
It cracks me up when people speak to me as if children are still an option for me. I didn’t have children, because I didn’t want to repeat my upbringing.
So I have dogs. They’re my kids. The only kids I’ll have and I love them. After spending a life feeling like a mistake, a grand disappointment, I just wanted to be loved. Who else loves us as much as a dog or cat?
My relationship with my mother shaped the person I am today. I’m amazed at what I’m able to accomplish with my blogging. The reason I’m so passionate, is because I want to succeed so badly with Keep the Tail Wagging that I can feel it, smell it, and taste it every day. And I’m energized by the path I’m on, because it’s going to make a huge difference in the lives of so many dogs.
There are five dogs who have felt the benefit of my desire to love and be loved: Rodrigo, Sydney, Morgan (our foster dog), Riley (resting in peace), and Blue. I will spend every day of my dogs’ lives making sure that they know they’re loved.
December 29, 2012 at 7:13 am
Such a heartfelt post expressing feelings many of us have but are not brave enough to share…Thank you!
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Gizmo ( recently published..WEEKEND ROUNDUP
Twitter: GizmoGeodog
December 29, 2012 at 8:50 am
Thank you, Gizmo
This was a hard one for me to write, but I felt that it’s helping me close the door to 2012 and start fresh in 2013.
Thank you for stopping by.
K
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 7:40 am
You are a wonderful, loving, thoughtful woman, Kimberly. I’m proud of you! xo
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Kelli recently published..It Doesn’t Get Easier… And The Cranberry Sauce Still Comes From A Can
Twitter: SweetLifeMommy
December 29, 2012 at 8:48 am
Thank you, Kelli
I don’t want to allow my background to define me; I want it to empower me. Sometimes I wish I did have a daughter so that I could deliver that strength to her too. I think a lot about you and your daughter and I think she has a great example to look to and this will make her an amazing woman.
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 8:24 am
I’m sorry to read about your relationship with your mom. But I am also glad to hear that you realized it is her and not you. Dogs really do make the best therapists, don’t they?
All the best for you and your pups and your blog in 2013!
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Jackie Bouchard recently published..I Dreamed A (Stupid) Dream
Twitter: JackieBouchard
December 29, 2012 at 8:46 am
Thanks, Jackie
I always try to find a meaning in everything that happens; it’s what helps me get through the tough times. Riley held the door open for Blue and the end of relationships were preparing me for closing the door to my relationship with my mom. But when I look at our dogs I can’t stay sad, because they’re so amazing and I know that’s in part to me.
Thanks thanks thanks!
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 9:59 am
It was a surprise to stumble upon this site and this posting, serendipity I suppose, because we share the same issue with our Mothers, and our response to it as well. I am a person whose love of animals has kept me going through crazy relationships and crazy family. My dogs and cats have always kept me sane and motivated to keep on, through weird and challenging phases of my life. Now at 55, I am pursuing my love of animals in my own pet-sitting and dog walking business, and loving life. Thank you for having the courage to write this, to touch my life without knowing me, and for being who you are! All my best wishes to you and your furry family for 2013 and beyond.
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Natalia Corres recently published..Why I volunteer at the shelter
Twitter: ncorres
December 29, 2012 at 11:33 am
I love how the universe works and I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that I’m not alone in this experience. Many people understand that it sucks, but I get a “just move on” feedback from people who have never experienced a relationship like this first hand. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Kimberly
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 10:54 am
I’m sure this post probably wasn’t easy for you to share. My mother suffers from similar problems, but I am thankful to say that she has come a long way now, although she still has her moments. It’s great to learn more about why you’re such a passionate blogger! Best wishes to you in 2013!
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Ann Paws recently published..The End ~ The Year 2012 In Review
December 29, 2012 at 11:36 am
Thank you so much, Ann.
I’m so happy for your mom, because I know that it’s not easy. There are many people struggling with depression and bipolar disorder and after my experience with my mom I’ve developed a lot of respect for how hard it is and what a difficult road many people have.
Thanks again for your worlds.
Kim
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 11:49 am
This must have been a difficult post. It takes an extremely strong and driven person to identify and move beyond such circumstances. It’s very easy to get bogged down by the weight of this kind of ‘stuff’. I admire your drive and desire to help yourself, and by doing so to help others. I’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat… You’re one of the strongest people I know, and when adversity comes your way again (as it always does), you’ll be more equipped to deal with it than ever before, and come out the other side even stronger and smarter.
Kimberly, you’ve turned lemons into lemonade, and you’re having a positive effect on so many animals….and people. Congratulations!
December 29, 2012 at 12:41 pm
Thank you, Deej
I can’t tell you how much your support means to me. Right now I’m surrounded by three amazing dogs; they define me, not my past.
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Such an emotional and moving post Kimberly. I’m sorry to read about your relationship with your Mom and can’t even begging to imagine how that must be, but I do know that coming to grips with your feelings and reality, while my be hard, is also a big burden lifted from you.
I love your passion about Keep the Tail Wagging and you inspire me to be the best I can be at blogging. I also can taste the success that I could have if only I had the willpower and drive like you to keep at it!
Best of luck in the New Year! I have complete faith that you will shine!
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Jen recently published..A Bitter Change For Antifreeze
December 29, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Thank you, Jen
Whenever I think of my blog, I grin ear to ear; it’s exciting. I’m so excited to have connected with you. It’s going to be fun to see what we’re able to accomplish in 2013! Pet Bloggers Unite!
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Hi Kimberly,
Writing to you has been on my to do list. I handle the marketing for BADA-BING Pet Products…a fantastic line of dog shampoos, dental care, fragrances, and natural dog treats. After reviewing the advertising and product review opportunities on Keep The Tail Wagging, I wanted to talk to you about BADA-BING.
But that’s not why I write you today.
Connecting with you on LinkedIn some time ago, I’ve watched you developed your blog…your brand. In one of the LinkedIn Groups we share, I read your post a few months ago where you wrote that a group member said you will never make it, and was not interested in talking to you to help grow your business. But you persevered anyway, and your blog received national recognition. Bravo to you.
Your post today was amazing. “My Passion for Dogs Sprouted from My Mother’s Hatred of Me.” In the world of copywriting and content marketing, your headline is powerful drawing readers in immediately. That’s what great bloggers do. But your post is beyond great blogging and content strategy. Your post is raw, honest, heartfelt, and brave. Yes, you help people care for their dogs. But today, you may be helping others with their life struggles to persevere, believe in themselves, no matter what negativity is around them. Bravo to you.
Your light is very bright, Kimberly. Keep on believing in yourself…and Keep The Tail Wagging.
Happy New Year,
Judy
December 29, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Judy, thank you so very much!
I can’t even begin to explain how I felt when I read your comment. Thank you for taking the time. ~ Kim
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 7:32 pm
My pleasure.
December 29, 2012 at 1:29 pm
What a wonderful, moving and honest post. Letting go is not easy – I think we have it in our very cells to want to please and be accepted especially by those we call family. But family can take many forms and if the one you were born to doesn’t work, you can form your own with friends and pets and others who love and accept us for all that we are.
I’m sorry that was not to be with your mom but I love your little “PS”. We do well to remember life is ahead of us to make of what we will.
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Leslie recently published..Pet Blogger Gift Exchange – Rescued Insanity
December 29, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Thank you, Leslie
I’m finding that it’s hard for me to feel sad when I have a happy dog in my face just wanting to cuddle or play. I never realized how lucky I am until now.
K
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 2:39 pm
I am so sorry to hear about you and your mom. We can’t choose who are family is but we can choose what we do about it. Sometimes the only thing to do is to let go and move on as you said. I feel the same way about my dogs I want to make sure that they know that they are loved. I hate it when they look sad. You know that look in their eyes. Congrats on the wonderful blog.
December 29, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Thanks so much, Jason!
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Kimberly,
I am holding back tears as a read this post. You are such an amazing, strong intelligent woman. You also give so much. I too came from an abusive home and never had children of my own. (2 of my 5 siblings didn’t have children either.) I spent so much energy getting out I didn’t have anything left to be a parent. Fortunately my husband who loves dogs (they were a huge comfort to him as a child) talked me into getting one then another of our own. Now I am a doggie mama and love every minute of it. I fear if I would have a dog growing up my so called father would have been cruel to it – if something bad would have I happened I may never have recovered from.
I am so happy I discovered your website. Both have been such an asset to the animal and blogging communities.
Hug your doggies and wishing you the best in the New Year.
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Savvy Working Gal recently published..Three Amazing Books I Read in 2012 Along with Lisa Bloom’s Favorites
December 29, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Thanks so much! I’m blown away by the number of people who can relate. I appreciate the support and the message.
Twitter: thefurmom
December 29, 2012 at 6:16 pm
To be honest I can’t stop thinking about this post – even told my husband about you. So glad you shared.
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Savvy Working Gal recently published..Three Amazing Books I Read in 2012 Along with Lisa Bloom’s Favorites
December 29, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Growing up, I thought I was the only girl in the world who had a complicated relationship with her mother – everyone else made it look so easy! It wasn’t until I became an adult, and one who had to learn to heal herself, that I realized there were so many other daughters who suffered the same (or worse). Thank you for being brave enough to out yourself as one of the daughter-turned-self-aware-and-strong-woman that I draw strength from.
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Audra recently published..I can’t have this argument on Facebook.
Twitter: scarletvirago
December 29, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Thanks so much, Audra – I feel like I’ve set down a heavy peace of luggage with this post and I’m excited to not only be able to move on, but to have some insight into my own blogging and dog pathology.
Thanks so much for your comment. It means the world to me.
K
Twitter: thefurmom
December 30, 2012 at 12:02 am
So sorry about your childhood. (((hugs))) Me and my mom had our issues too. She didn’t love me and said that openly. There was some stuff which today is referred to as abuse, but that didn’t hurt anywhere near as much as the fact that I couldn’t win her love. She had her reasons (things that caused/led up to it); it was what it was.
The upside, in our case, was that things changed when I grew up. Whether it was because I didn’t need her any more, whether it was because things changed somehow, we became close and developed a great relationship.
It’s interesting that you should say that about having kids; I decided I didn’t want kids because I was terrified what would happen if I also didn’t love them …
Well, that was the main reason. I also think that our genetic heritage sucks, so that would not be much of a gift either.
That was no really what gave birth to my passion for dogs in my case. Perhaps I didn’t believe that a dog could love me either. What got me passionate about dogs was actually Jasmine. She came to our lives because hubby wanted a dog. I didn’t really, I just went along with it because I believe it was inevitable and was going to happen sooner or later (though I’d preferred it to be later)
It was Jasmine who made me into a dog nut. The Force is strong with that one.
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Jana Rade recently published..Another Cooling Bed Bites The Dust
Twitter: DawgBlogger
December 30, 2012 at 11:28 am
Jasmine is truly magical. Each thing I learn about her just makes me think she’s an angel in dog form.
Kimberly
Twitter: thefurmom
December 30, 2012 at 6:41 am
Kimberly your post really touched my heart because I can so totally relate.
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I haven’t had a relationship with my mother for about 5 years now.
I also grew up (as did my siblings) with extreme verbal and physical abuse at the hands of my mother.
I am not talking normal spankings but severe beatings.
I always say that had I grown up in a different time (I am much older than you) she would be in jail. My mother has never sought help but I am convinced she is mentally ill.
I had to sever ties with her because even though she can no longer physically abuse me, her verbal abuse never ends.
I am so sorry that you had to endure the same thing.
I often wonder if my love of animals is due to the abuse that I suffered from my mother. I have no “birth” children of my own, just 2 step kids and my cat and dog are my babies.
Sending you (((((hugs)))) because I can so totally relate but I am sorry that we both CAN relate
caren gittleman recently published..PURINA® DOG CHOW® GIVES THE GIFT OF HOPE FOR MICHIGAN ANIMALS IN NEED
Twitter: dakotasheltie
December 30, 2012 at 11:26 am
Thanks, Caren
I have to say that I’m blown away by the number of women who have had similar experiences. I have a stepson too and I can’t tell you how many times I want to tell him how easy he has it when he’s whining about how unfair his parents are, but it’s a different time and his parents are “normal.” I have to say that although this is a stupid thing to have in common with so many others, it feels so good to know that this isn’t a shameful secret.
Kimberly
Twitter: thefurmom
December 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm
you are sooooooooo right! I wasn’t going to say this, but I will. I have 2 siblings and I grew up listening to us being referred to as “the three living abortions” that just gives you a clue. ((((hugs))))
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caren gittleman recently published..PURINA® DOG CHOW® GIVES THE GIFT OF HOPE FOR MICHIGAN ANIMALS IN NEED
Twitter: dakotasheltie
December 31, 2012 at 10:21 am
Weird, I can relate too. Only on my end it was my father who was the abuser (mostly verbal, once it got physical my mom split with us kids). I am lucky enough to have a wonderful mother who is a dog lover as well. That’s where my obsession came from. I don’t have any kids and don’t plan on it. It’s nice because my husband and I are on the same page there. We honestly love our dogs more than most people seem to care about their kids. The was people raise (or don’t raise) their children today in the country is appauling. Just remember your doggie online family loves you!
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Amanda Griffin recently published..Day 3 Post TPLO Surgery
December 31, 2012 at 5:13 pm
I’m seeing that people have a lot more in common than I realized and I wonder if some of the abuse has lead to the lack of parenting we sometimes see today. People are overcompensating. I sometimes wonder if I were a parent if I would be too lenient just to prove that I’m not like my mom. My biggest pet peeve are kids running around in a restaurant. I see that a lot now – they finish their meal, get bored, and are allowed to play chase in the restaurant.
Different strokes, I guess.
Kim
Twitter: thefurmom
April 2, 2013 at 9:03 pm
I found your story touching and find it amazing how you are able to channel your energy into other passions, such as pets and blogging. I believe that many abused kids often turn to pets for comfort and love. This love of animals you have is a gift. It is inspiring that you write about your painful experience and take a negative situation into a positive, meaningful outlet for your self and other. Thank you for sharing!
April 2, 2013 at 9:06 pm
Thank you so much, Maren
It took a long time to get here, but I’m here and if sharing my story helps even one person see that there’s life after the drama of a bad relationship, then I’m happy to share it. I love my mom, but we aren’t good for each other and I’m happy that I was able to see that and received the gift of writing, photography, and animals in exchange for that relationship.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Twitter: thefurmom
January 31, 2013 at 1:53 am
I love my dog and he was my best friend because my childhood was abusive, and I couldnt accept love from humans for a long time. I was really cold hearted and couldnt trust but he brought me back to real life and Im mostly a happy person now. Unfortunately he died suddenly and it was terrible for me and my family, but now we have another dog who brings us joy too.
January 31, 2013 at 6:56 am
I’m so sorry about your dog. We lost a dog last May and it broke our hearts; it’s still sad to think about it, but I guess it always will. We also have a new dog who is wonderful and brings us joy. It’s amazing that this is that dogs ask for so little when you think of all that they offer.
Twitter: thefurmom
February 11, 2013 at 12:05 pm
I saw this post come up in my Twitter feed and thought to myself, “I don’t remember writing that.”
Your post expresses so perfectly my own life.
My first childhood dog was a 1/4 wolf hybrid. And, as wild and aggressive as he could be, my dog was the most consistent figure in my life. I knew he would never hurt me. That wasn’t true of my mother.
Everyone needs someone in their lives that protects them from chaos. My parents didn’t do that. But my dog did. And I can’t imagine ever living without dogs because of that.
Thanks for writing a touching and honest post.
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Pamela recently published..Stop Asking If Your Dog Loves You – Good for the Dog; Good for You
Twitter: S_Wagging
February 13, 2013 at 6:18 am
Thanks for sharing, Pamela – it’s nice to connect with so many people who “get it.”
Twitter: thefurmom
April 6, 2013 at 7:12 pm
I’m glad that somethign good came from such a sad situation
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Peaches recently published..Tips & Tricks to Crate Training / House Breaking
Twitter: peachesgoldne
April 7, 2013 at 1:35 pm
Thanks!
Twitter: thefurmom